December, 2007
The year of “firsts” is certainly grace-filled: the first mass, the first confession, the first blessings, and so forth. There are many “firsts” after ordination for a priest: I was merely looking forward to the next “first” on my list. With so many stories from current priests, these “firsts” generate a lot of excitement. These expectations, for anyone, can be a great source of motivation as we strive to meet goals set in our lives. These expectations, however, can also be a source of frustration or disappointment. I certainly envisioned a great “Priest’s 1st Christmas”… I even remarked a few days before Christmas to parishioners how this slogan could be a Christmas ornament series (and not surprisingly, one then made an ornament for me).
The excitement increased as I was flying back to Baltimore on December 19th, flying next to a mother and her young child Anna (less than 2 months). The joy of Anna (at everything) was certainly contagious – and I began looking forward to seeing family including young nieces and nephews as well as parishioners at St. John the Evangelist in Severna Park where I would be helping from the 4th Sunday of Advent till the Epiphany.
On the 20th of December, early in the morning I flew out to Milwaukee for the Ordination of Auxiliary Bishop William Callahan (my spiritual director until he was appointed Bishop by the Holy Father). This was my second spiritual director lost to the Episcopacy. While I had foreseen potential disaster flying to the cold realm of Wisconsin, the fog on Saturday, December 22nd almost stranded me. A few other priests with flights in the afternoon returned to the hotel after their flights had been canceled. I left for the airport a few hours later for an evening flight which according to AirTran’s hotline number was not canceled. The airport was chaotic, with people strewn everywhere (till you got past security where the lucky few were). My thoughts of course had gone towards the potential disaster – the 4th Sunday of Advent in Milwaukee and even worse the possibility of no flights in time for Christmas Eve. Luckily, the flight took off. While a bit tired the next morning, I had the benefit of not celebrating mass until noon. Anticipation of “Priest’s 1st Christmas” increased with the buzz and enthusiasm of the parishioners (especially the little ones). After the evening mass, I went to dinner with a close priest friend and got to bed early…
Unfortunately, my expectation of the perfect Christmas was not to be. I had a great homily (at least in my opinion) ready for the Children’s Mass that evening as well as a modified homily for parish 4pm Christmas mass. I had looked over the prayers for the Mass. But I woke up a bit too early, not with exhilaration, but sickness in the night. I had the beginnings of what I could not have expected but later would realize, food poisoning. I deceived myself in the morning, after sleeping a bit more, that I would be okay. But I was not to get very far, as I had to leave the altar after the Gospel in the morning mass… while possibly a bit of an overreaction, the ambulance was called and paramedics began their routine inspection of me.
The next few days were not spent in the joy of celebrating mass at the parish and then spending time with my family on Christmas day. I spent the days in bed or on a coach, in a rather miserable state of existence. My 1st Christmas would have to come a few days late and with much less hype. Yet, as I thought (and prayed some in my condition), Christ certainly would not highlight his birth as one of the best days of his life. He was laying in a food trough in a manger. Mary, present at the side of Jesus, gazing at the child who is God, was certainly not comfortable after giving birth and now lying down among animals. God certainly did not grant me the “perfect” Christmas – but we often draw closer to Christ in moments of strife and suffering more so than in times of celebration and tranquility. The lives of the saints certainly attest to that.
